Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
