If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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