If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
