I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
