I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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