dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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