Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
