don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
