I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
