I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
