She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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