Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
