why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You may now shotgun with the bride
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
