meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
