Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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