That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
