good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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