you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
