Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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