If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
