Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
