i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
