I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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