I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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