Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
