I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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