Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
