Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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