It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
do nipples grow back?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
