I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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