I accidentally burped into my bong.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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