he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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