Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
