I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
