This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
