So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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