i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
