Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
