one might say we're banned from that church
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
