I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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