What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
