My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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