didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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