I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
