Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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