So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
