There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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