So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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