Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
