i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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