i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
