I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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