my room smells like sperm. sweet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
